p
Welcome to Anj's playground. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile!

Er. So long as you have clean feet.

I am...
A writer. Long fics, tonnes of description, character focus, psychology, poetic prose, nerdfic (i.e. meta, technical language, etc.). Slash, and boys being boys.

An RPer. wanderlustrum, mekuramashi, and nekozame @ mirandised & pre_miranda.

A fangirl. Prince of Tennis, Harry Potter, various other animes, musicals, a couple TV shows, and very occasionally some RPS.

A student. Just graduated with a second Masters degree - subjects are biology/chemistry, music, and philosophy/liberal arts, though I'm interested in just about everything.

A teacher. 7th-12th grades, the AVID program. I love my job.

A nomad. I love to travel, and I move a lot, so chances are I'm not in the same place as I was when you first met me.

A person. I talk about myself and my life as much as I talk about fandom.


Still interested?

Earlier this week, we had a wonderful, and moving, visitation by Jim, a very dear friend, from St. John's College. The visit itself was planned a while ago. However, the surprise was that he brought a very large box to our rendezvous. As he approached us, he could not hide his Cheshire cat grin from ear to ear.

To the natural, and inevitable, question - so what's in the box, he proceeded to tell us that it was for us from our friends (and Anjali's friends) from St. John's. He could hardly contain his excitement, and nor could we, as opened the box.

He first presented us with a beautiful small photo album with ribbon tied around it. As Jyo started to untie the bow, he told us that they had planted a tree on the college grounds in honour of Anjali. It is a Catalpa tree that grows to some 60 feet, and will cast shadow over a large area. Below is one of the photos, after they had planted the tree – from what I could see, the digging work was done by the guy with the shovel in his hand – Mr. Krishnan Venkatesh, the Director of Graduate Institute, and Anjali’s mentor. But I am sure all of them helped too.





Of course, the very mention of Anjali floods our minds with her memory, but a planting in her honour – that will be a permanent fixture on the college grounds was just something else. It was a moving a occasion for us. But there was more – they had included more framed photos, college plaque just to name a couple of large items.

Our heart-felt thanks to all our friends at St John’s.

Friday, March 27, 2009

362 days have passed since our world was turned upside down as we faced the horror of Anjali’s accident and alas, her death as a result of the injuries sustained. Our child, our first-born, our princess Anji was snatched away from us.

In the days, weeks and months since then, our lives have taken on a certain quality of surrealism. So many firsts have been experienced through tears that would not stop flowing. Yet, at the same time, so many firsts that would have made tears of joy overflow for us all.

April 3, 2008 - Receipt of the Letter from the JET program confirming Anjali’s acceptance.

April 18, 2008 - Tanya’s oath taking ceremony to become a US citizen.

April 2008 - Tanya’s birthday. A year before that, as Tanya turned 21, Anjali had flown over to spend the weekend with her little sister, to keep her “safe” during the 21st birthday rituals of the bar-hopping. Unbeknownst to us the parents, the two sisters got matching tattoos revealed to us with much pride afterwards.

May 2008 – Mom’s birthday and Dad’s birthday.

May 24, 2008 – Anjali’s graduation with her second Master’s degree from St. John’s College, Santa Fe. Tanya accepted the diploma on behalf of her sister.

July 28, 2008 – The day Anjali would have left for Japan to begin the JET program.

August 19, 2008 – Anjali’s 26th birthday.

November 4, 2008 – Election of Barack Obama as President – we could see her just beaming from ear to ear with the look on her face saying “I told you he would win!”.

Thanksgiving 2008.

Christmas 2008.

New Year’s Eve 2009.

January 21, 2009 – President Obama’s inauguration – she was such a steadfast and staunch supporter.

The list goes on………….

During the last two weeks, part of our brains have been reliving the days of anticipation from last year as we waited for Anjali’s arrival home for Spring Break, while the other part of the brain remembered every single minute detail of the horrific events that took place ending in the tragedy that changed our lives forever.

The days that followed are branded in our memories forever.

So how does one carry on?

How does a young woman, who has never known a day on this earth without her big sister suddenly learn to live with the knowledge that she will never see her sister’s megawatt smile, hear her throaty laugh, feel her warm fuzzy bear hugs, receive her wise counsel on all matters important and trivial, seek her opinions about life’s foibles?

How does a dad whose heart was completely and irreversibly lost as he set eyes on his little bundle of joy that August afternoon in 1982 live with the knowledge that his princess has gone forever?

How does a mom who nurtured, cajoled, threatened, fought with her firstborn through infancy and teen years, and discovered the strength in the mother-daughter bonds of friendship, found a confidante wise beyond her youth, learn to live without her presence?

How does one go on?

A minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month at a time.

By remembering the richness brought into our lives through her presence – how fortunate that Anjali was given to us, to be part of our lives, to love, to laugh with, and to enjoy for 25 years. She brought laughter, music, books, friends, joie de vivre to our lives – the very best gifts one could ever receive.

By spreading that joy all around us, by embracing life, making the most of each day we have been given as a precious gift to cherish.

By opening our hearts and minds to people all over the world as Anjali taught us to do – through our words, through genuine interest in connecting with people, through our actions.

We miss you so much our darling Anjali……with all our love,

Mom, Dad, Tanya

In just a few days, it will be a full year since the ill-fated event. While it may be 350+ days, the memories are still as fresh and as painful as ever. From what we have heard from others, the pain never goes away. No doubt, we will go through a real downer on the day with reflections of the full year gone by.

On the brighter side, some notable events also have happened - to be celebrated. Just to choose a couple of such events: Lisa - one of Anjali's best friends from TAMS days received her doctorate. Anjali would have been thrilled with the news. For another, Anjali's cousin sister delivered a baby girl early this year. Anjali would have been an Aunt. Interestingly the new baby has been named Anju - some people tell me that this is a Bengali diminutive form of Anjali.

Perhaps some of you would like to add memories/events in commemoration of the anniversary. Our thanks in advance to those who will choose to do so.

A few weeks ago, before Christmas, we received a very strange call – something about Anjali’s cap and gown from St John’s College – we did not know who the caller was, nor did we know what the issue was. Over the past several months, every time I received a call from a stranger, and mentioned Anjali’s name, my heart sank – that deepening feeling inside me, which not only flooded my mind with sad memories, but also initiated heightened stress level – was it a creditor that I did not know about, was there something else Anjali was involved in that needs to be sorted out, and did I have enough emotional energy to deal with any or all of it?

This time it was no different. I was very tempted to ignore the call. Looking back it was just as well I did not ignore the call, and decided to do some follow up. It turned out that the call was of a much more noble nature.

The call was from Tony Foltman. He and his wife Terese live in Santa Fe. For some time now they have been sponsoring a young lady in Kenya, through a well established organization whose primary objective is to raise education level of girls. Some of you probably know, many of the societies there do not regard educating girls as a high priority – a female’s implicit (and sometimes explicit) role is to become a wife (or one of the wives) and nothing more.

Sainapei is the sponsored young lady. Through this sponsorship she now has completed her high school education, and she is awaiting results of college entrance exam. Tony and Terese went to Kenya to participate in her high school graduation and essentially to "make a really big deal" of it. One aspect of the graduation was to have her capped and gowned just as one would here for college graduation. Tony and Terese approached St John's College, and to cut a long story short, they came to Anjali's cap and gown, which clearly had gone unclaimed.

By now we have talked to Tony and Terese a few times – we know them through the calls, their pictures and their deeds. But we have not met them in person yet. Clearly, their objective was very noble, and we felt proud that Anjali and, in turn, we, were becoming party to this big occasion. We readily agreed to let them have the cap and gown for the ceremony.

The graduation was on the 20th January, specifically aimed to be the same day as the inauguration of President Obama here (whose father came from Kenya).

Tony and Terese ended up taking some 2600 photos. They graciously have shared some that I include below. In particular you may recognize Anjali’s photos being held up in some of them

Mr. and Mrs. Foltman are planning to continue to support Sainapei through college. In fact she has been given an additional incentive. Assuming she gets into college, upon her successful completion, Mr. and Mrs. Foltman will pay for her visit to the US. Sainapei is thrilled and highly motivated by it.

We hope to meet with Mr. & Mrs. Foltman sometime this year - just don’t know when. They seem such a nice couple. And yes, sharing the cap and gown for such a worthy objective was absolutely the right thing to do.

We were reminded so much of what Anjali herself was pursuing. On many occasions she had talked to us about the children she was tutoring. She knew that the children had no encouragement from home, in fact in most cases families interfered with the children’s studies, and that in turn caused trouble at school. Anjali was convinced of their ability and she knew that the children needed encouragement and kindling of passion for learning. And that was the focus of her pursuit. A memorable sentiment from her was “If only I could get through to some of them, I see them graduating from school. Some of them will even go on to college. And that is when there is a real chance of lifting themselves and their families out of the poverty trap."




Sainapei with family and the Foltmans



Sainapei in Cap and Gown



In more traditional gear

Some of you may recall that we initiated a scholarship fund at St John’s College, Santa Fe, called Anjali Pai Memorial Fund. This Memorial Fund is now established and we are pleased to announce that the first recipient for the award from this fund has been selected. While we cannot name the recipient as yet, pending proper procedures, we indeed are advised that “he is a remarkable person, a down-to-earth salt-of-the-earth working man who has found his place here!” We look forward to meeting him in the near future.

Back in early April, as we were struggling to cope with the tragedy and preparing for the final rites, we received a large number of messages/calls from you asking if there was any charity that would be appropriate to commemorate Anjali. We took the sentiment to heart and put on our thinking caps – clearly we had never considered this particular question. Very quickly, the one point that became all too clear to us was the passion with which Anjali pursued any and every activity – whether it was a hobby, learning a new language, or making a new friend – she gave it her all. A little while ago, she had come to realize the difference she was making in the children she was tutoring/teaching – where she not only taught, but inspired a love for learning – this indeed was the calling she found for herself.

One thing led to another – all of us came to the conclusion that the most fitting tribute to her would be to encourage educators who would strive for similar objectives – of inspiring children with the love of learning – especially those who may be from disadvantaged background with less than the desired encouragement or motivation. Her Alma Mater, St. John’s College, was very supportive and helped us establish the fund in her name.

Many of you have contributed and your support has been critical in the first disbursement this fall. To all those, who helped us kick-start the fund – we know some of you but by no means all of you - we wish to express a heartfelt thank you. When the details of the recipient are properly disclosed, we will forward these on to you.

Obviously, the scholarship is not intended to make the recipient rich– in fact it is a very humble beginning. We will continue our efforts to grow the fund in size to make the disbursement a good amount to support someone in Anjali’s footsteps. Our dream, if it can be called that, is that the fund truly encourages and supports future educators to carry forward Anjali’s enthusiasm and passion for learning - and in turn keep Anjali's dream alive.

We, Anjali’s family, indeed have been hit hard this year. Just a few days before her passing, Anjali’s uncle died of a heart attack – it was very sudden, and he was being rushed to the hospital for emergency treatment. He did not make it, and his wife, Anjali’s mother’s sister, reached minutes after he passed away. We left everything and rushed off to London to be with the family and to help in any way we could. Little did we know at the time that some 24 days later we would have a calamity of our own!

Only 8 days after Anjali’s 26th birthday, her grandfather (on dad’s side) passed away. He had been ill and he essentially was immobile. Nonetheless, while some may consider it to be a relief to him, it still was another body blow to us. All along, we had plans this summer to have the whole family visit with him and the extended family. It also was on this trip, that we had plans to have Anjali drive a shift car – and with her being over 25, a rental car would have been would have been an ideal means to learn. As we all know the plans did not materialize. A revised plan was that Anjali’s dad would visit his dad, perhaps for the last time – alas that too did not materialize.

People ask how we are coping. How exactly can one cope with so many tragic events in less than six months? So many numbing body blows – so painful that we have become too numb to realize. And we just have to keep going.

Anjali’s dad went to the UK for the final rites and the funeral, unfortunately, her mom could not be there. The funeral itself was small – in keeping with the wishes of grandfather. Whether small or large, the emotions are the same. All throughout the day, involuntarily he visualized substituting his dad’s body with that of Anjali and back. The vividness of déjà vu was just incredible and of course, recollection of prior images at times was overwhelming – but he had to keep going.

It has been a particularly hard time. The rituals, the procession, the service- all of them just were strong catalysts to bring back memories from the fateful beginning of April.

Happy Birthday Princess Anji

This is the day when Anjali would have turned 26. To us, now she always will be 25. Today, especially on her birthday we will miss her even more.

We feel privileged to have her as a daughter and a sister to Tanya. Many of you have pointed out how remarkable she was, how she touched so many people, and in short 25 years, probably achieved more than many people achieve in their lifetime.

It is a tough day for us - as have been the last four plus months, and it does not look like it is going to get any easier. None-the-less we would like to celebrate her birthday the best way we can. We invite all and everyone whom she touched influenced, offered her friendship, to join in. You can do this by adding a comment to this post, or by sending an e-mail to addressed to her at anjali.s.pai@gmail.com . If you would like to include an experience or two or memory that have been of special significance to you, that will be just wonderful.

Anjali definitely was passionate about everything she undertook, whether it was making jewellery, or riding horses, and a whole host of other pursuits. Her interest in music was eclectic, yet she was passionate of every genre. BNL by far appeared to be her most favourite band, while Rent was her all time favourite musical.

We have tried to collect her pictures for each of her birthdays, regrettably our records are not the best - but we have pulled some pictures together that may be of interest to some of you.


One of her first pictures.


The mischief in her eyes was evident even she was only one.


Reading always was her favourite hobby. She was able to follow along even when she was just over a year old. Many times dad would skip a line or two, and she would complain vigourously that he had missed lines - insisting that he go back and read all the lines.


Her computer training started early.


This is with dad.


On her visit to India


One of her school pictures


Anjali at 2


Anjali at 3


Arrival of her sister, Tanya


Even I can be tired!!


A fashion statement no doubt


That disarming smile!


We are back in Canada now


Yum!!


Another School Picture


Violin Suzuki method


Her all time favourite hobby


Another school picture



Now for a snowball fight


10th Grade


Us at the Dallas Arboretum


With sister


Enjoying a large pretzel and beer in Munich


Anjali with Nim and Rachel


Back home for a break


With sister


At the Dallas Art Museum


Anjali and Tanya


Cake Cutting on her 21st


Let the games continue


With TAMS friends Robert, Joseph, and Max


In our backyard


Oh the happy times!!


The Hair


The family bond


Anjali on her 25th birthday

Anjali at 26

If Anjali were here, August 19th, 2008 would mark her 26th birthday. She would be in Kobe, Japan exploring this new culture, befriending new people, getting to know the language, and immersing herself in all the new experiences in her usual style. We, the parents back home in Texas would be quite worried, almost assuredly for no substantive reason, except for the fact that we are the parental units, and because our daughter was in a “strange” land, and we would be hankering after a phone call. Perhaps by this time we would have had many e-mails, each one reinforcing her view that we should make a plan to visit her and experience everything with her.

Alas that is not to be. All we can do is to look back and cherish every memory we have, fill our eyes with her pictures, sketches, and photos, allow our hearts to fill with the love we feel and ache with the loss we endure and of course, fill our ears with her soul-stirring singing. The last minutes, hours, days and months since March 30th have been unbelievably painful. We manage somehow to go about our daily chores and duties – we still have our jobs to do, and bills to pay. But our memories are no more than pico-seconds away. Whenever we find ourselves on our own (and sometimes even when surrounded by others) our thoughts drift towards that fated day. And then there is sleep time – the concept of a whole night’s undisturbed sleep is just history.

We had collected her ashes just a few days after the service on April 4th.. It was a very important for us that we take her remains back to the places she loved most. Anjali had moved quite a few times - at times because we moved, and at other times, out of her own choice. The three of us concluded/decided that the best spots to scatter her remains were her birthplace filled with very happy memories for us all– Ottawa, Canada, and Santa Fe –where she eventually found herself, a place where she felt at home and discovered her peace as well as her inner calling.

St. John’s College in Santa Fe sits nestled among beautiful hills with magnificent vistas. The views from up there are spectacular, and the whole area is just so peaceful. We could only imagine the tranquility Anjali must have experienced on those hills. And of course the discussion method of learning was just perfect for her – she absolutely thrived on it. We spoke to several of her classmates as well as her teachers/tutors. They all gave us the same feedback. Anjali was a great listener. When she eventually participated in the conversation, it was a deep and thoughtful process often offering a perspective no one else had considered yet with all the sensitivity to ensure that the dialogue was indeed a discussion and not a personal attack regardless of how similar or opposing the views were. In turn, she never took any counter-discussions personally.

In Ottawa we went to a park by the Ottawa River we used to frequent when our girls were little. It is a beautiful park. It was at this park that Anjali and Tanya first learned to skip stones on the water and fly kites. The park has a jungle gym which provided them with endless fun on every visit. Canada geese and their goslings made a home in the pools of water and it was always amusing to watch these birds waddling all over the park. And then there were ground hogs which scurried in and out from under large rocks. The park also has a band shell where live concerts are performed during the summer months. We would go almost every Sunday and spend a few peaceful and fun hours at Andrew Hayden Park. The number of park visitors has increased over the years, but essentially the ambiance in the park has remained the same. It was just beautiful to visit, even though our purpose was an extremely sad one. The final goodbye to Anjali turned out to be just too overwhelming.

Here are some photos

Tanya dispersing ashes on the hills near St John's College


Mom and Tanya


Vista from St John's College


A view of Ottawa River at Andrew Hayden Park, Ottawa


Canada Geese


Views of the Ottawa River from Gatineaux Hills, Quebec



Ottawa River Looking North from Andrew Hayden Park


For Anjali’s birthday this year, we are determined to celebrate her life in every way we can. We invite you all to do the same. We want to remember and cherish our memories of Anjali’s young and remarkable life, full of promise of things to achieve, yet so accomplished in a short span of 25 years. If any of you have ideas for a celebration you would like to share with us, we would welcome them.

This is Anjali on her 25th birthday - we went to a Japanese Steakhouse.


Mom, dad, and Anjali on her last birthday.


We love you and miss you Anjali, our Princess Anji!